YNot…Say What You Want

There is so much emotion that this particular YNot seems to stir up for me.  So I pressed in, I keep pressing in to it to see why.  There are a couple of things that have stood out to me and maybe you have these same things holding you back from saying what it is you REALLY want.


1. What if what I want doesn’t want me back

Several months ago a friend simply said “I don’t think you’ve ever said what you want”  that statement sent me in tears for two days.  I walked to another friend’s house she said you know what it is and basically told me to say it, own it and do it.  I began compiling my list of what it was that I really wanted.  How I wanted to show up and how I wanted to feel and show up. Emotion kept coming with this thought, “what if what I want doesn’t want me back”  Now this was a bit of crazy talk since what I wanted felt more like a calling and the book that I just wrote was fully inspired,  It was everything I had envisioned doing since I was a little girl.  The real question is, Why wouldn’t it want me back, these were gifts I was given to use!

2. Sneaking in the oughts and shoulds

Later that day I had lunch with another trusted friend and mentor, through my tears we discussed this idea of what I wanted wanting me back,  I told her what it was I wanted.  It was quite on track but I had a lot of extra things in there.  My friend looked at me and said, you really want to do ALL of that?!!  Again the answer rose from the pain, “No, I said, but I feel like I have to do these things so I can afford to do what I want to do”.  Take them out she said, for now just say what it is that you really want.  Wow, I felt so much lighter.  It doesn’t mean I don’t do some of those things, but it is difficult to stay focused if you muddy up your desires with ought to’s besides it feels really heavy while you are moving towards your desires.

3. It is selfish of me to want that.

Oh Ladies, can I get an Amen here?!!  Are any of you feeling this one.  I think many times we do not say what we want because we feel it would be selfish.  I didn’t say what I wanted or even allow myself to want something in another area of my life because I believe it to be selfish.  I believed it would be detrimental or at best not good for the other person.  I realized, first of all saying and owning a desire is not selfish and secondly last I checked, I am not omnipotent and what if what I want would be the best thing for those other people in my life.  I think we spend a ton of time (okay me, I spend a lot of time) thinking I need to fit into an ideal, worry about how things will affect others or what they will think instead of going for the desires of our heart.  Start with your desires, is it destructive, is it for the higher good?  Saying it doesn’t mean you have to take action, it is releasing your truth and there is power in the spoken word.  

What truth aren’t you speaking?   YNot???

Dez Bonner